ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
True strength comes from lack of pants
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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