TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
