remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
