Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
