just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
