Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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