Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
