someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
