I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't make out with my wife yet
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize