Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There r osticjed everywhere
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
