Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
