sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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