im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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