If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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