Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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