I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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