Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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