Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In America we eat man semen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
