Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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