Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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