I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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