I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
