You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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