is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
