...so i touched it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
