I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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