Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
