so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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