so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
