I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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