the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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