I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
