Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
