she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even my vagina gasped.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
