wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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