I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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