I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
