I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i now understand why vodka
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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