i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
