I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
