We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you never un-have a 4some
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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