I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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