I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
