The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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