Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
