Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
