i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
