Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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(813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj

Replies (71) Good night (12868) Bad night (1366)
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(407): View more from Florida

And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

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(407): And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword. http://tfl.nu/gcmk

Replies (21) Good night (8812) Bad night (1185)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.

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(330): Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high. http://tfl.nu/m92h

Replies (8) Good night (3297) Bad night (1028)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

it's a Wednesday?

(419): View more from Ohio

:)

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(419): I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone. (1-419): it's a Wednesday? (419): :) http://tfl.nu/grqr

Replies (4) Good night (3270) Bad night (1069)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

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(613): I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.." http://tfl.nu/n3mo

Replies (4) Good night (3354) Bad night (1000)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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(508): Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed? http://tfl.nu/6lho

Replies (10) Good night (2225) Bad night (897)
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(310): View more from California

It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw

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(310): It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw http://tfl.nu/ozdy

Replies (12) Good night (2928) Bad night (687)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems

(702): View more from Nevada

I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula

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(702): Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems (702): I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula http://tfl.nu/2l23

Replies (9) Good night (1390) Bad night (1009)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.

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(504): You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men. http://tfl.nu/6nuf

Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (409)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.

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(908): I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country. http://tfl.nu/dr7f

Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (329)
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(916): View more from California

You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.

(1-916): View more from California

No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.

(916): View more from California

YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN

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(916): You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier. (1-916): No, it's okay because this is the city of trees. (916): YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN http://tfl.nu/hcly

Replies (8) Good night (795) Bad night (481)
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(310): View more from California

I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...

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(310): I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now... http://tfl.nu/9bsa

Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (408)
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(315): View more from New York

If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...

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(315): If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese... http://tfl.nu/j6gy

Replies (5) Good night (685) Bad night (413)
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(407): View more from Florida

He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.

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(407): He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar. http://tfl.nu/i3q4

Replies (3) Good night (338) Bad night (1038)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?

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(402): I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going? http://tfl.nu/dfxw

Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (207)

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