maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.