He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?