i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
