At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.