Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.

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  (708): the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out. http://tfl.nu/g42w
  Replies (38) Good night (835) Bad night (1305)
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  (845): View more from New York

  im poppin the ladies like they're bacne

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  (845): im poppin the ladies like they're bacne http://tfl.nu/xag8
  Replies (24) Good night (878) Bad night (4084)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5430) Bad night (920)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.

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  (732): the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam. http://tfl.nu/4l2e
  Replies (26) Good night (1167) Bad night (6473)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

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  (240): I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards. http://tfl.nu/evpw
  Replies (17) Good night (1667) Bad night (5253)
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  (415): View more from California

  You kept trying to hail an ambulance

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  (415): You kept trying to hail an ambulance http://tfl.nu/adc4
  Replies (2) Good night (3701) Bad night (1066)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

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  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
  Replies (25) Good night (6764) Bad night (1224)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

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  (860): We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no" http://tfl.nu/13gy
  Replies (7) Good night (2510) Bad night (1090)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit

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  (989): I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit http://tfl.nu/8uwi
  Replies (2) Good night (1851) Bad night (996)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.

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  (250): You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye. http://tfl.nu/8nzh
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (1290)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.

  (648): View more from

  100%

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  (616): I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners. (648): 100% http://tfl.nu/zuxh
  Replies (9) Good night (641) Bad night (2468)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"

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  (952): Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?" http://tfl.nu/w3wv
  Replies (12) Good night (2704) Bad night (705)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF

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  (250): some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF http://tfl.nu/zk16
  Replies (6) Good night (2145) Bad night (624)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.

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  (615): Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man. http://tfl.nu/6vhr
  Replies (0) Good night (714) Bad night (339)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.

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  (773): I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things. http://tfl.nu/6q8w
  Replies (4) Good night (335) Bad night (108)

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