dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
