and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
