Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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