yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
