Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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