You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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