worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
