i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
