my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
