So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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