Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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