we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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