Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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