just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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