Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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