Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
this hospital has no fireball
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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