I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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