I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
