apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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