11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
