is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
